I was born out of an affair where my father was married but not with my mother.
As a 14 year old, I was exposed to immoral stuff no 14 year old should see.
It influenced my marriage 12 years later. I was married but felt ashamed and guilty. I couldn’t be expressive in my love to my wife.
I would hide from her.
We were married for about 2-3 years when my wife said to me she felt we were more roommates than a couple. She wondered if it was right for us to have married.
Both of us were in fulltime ministry. We served on staff.
Both of us loved Jesus….yet, this was an area that was difficult for us.
Adam and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame (Genesis 2:25 KJV)
The man and woman were naked and unashamed…they felt no shame.
This was God’s original design for marriage.
What is the definition of nakedness? It means
- Bare of any coverings
They were naked and transparent and there was no shame to get in their way.
They had a connection; there was a bond. Nothing hindered them from connecting fully with each other…really being one flesh without anything between them.
In Genesis 3:1-6
- Eve has a conversation with the serpent
- The woman eats of the forbidden fruit and gives it to her husband.
Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. (Genesis 3:7 KJV)
They hid from each other by trying to cover their nakedness.
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. (Genesis 3:8 KJV)
They hid from the Lord.
Ashamed of their nakedness they hid.
What is the definition of shame? Shame means
- Painful feeling of having done something dishonorable
- The feeling we get when we do something wrong.
Shame prevents us from being fully naked; from being transparent the way God originally intended us to be.
We find ourselves emotionally naked and we’re ashamed of what we see.
So we hide from God.
We hide from our spouses. Like Adam and Eve we make our own coverings…and the disconnection between you and your spouse begins.
We’re supposed to be pastors and spiritual leaders but we’re ashamed. We don’t want people to see what is genuinely happening inside of us.
We don’t deal with issues and emotions.
We cut each other off from the heart.
Disconnection is the first step to emotional affairs and extramarital affairs.
10 Reasons Why We Hide
Here are 10 reasons why we hide from our spouse.
You got married over chemistry; you were hot for each other. You may be naked physically but emotionally you never opened up to each other. One day you wake up with the realization that you’re living with a roommate. There’s a lot of baggage between you. So you stop communicating; you feel trapped. You hide from your spouse and you hide from God.
You come home after a long day at work, and it feels like all your wife does is nag. No matter how you try to explain it to her, she just doesn’t get it. So you disconnect with her and connect with your co-worker; she seems to get it. You start to have feelings for this co-worker but you can’t tell your wife, it would kill her. So you hide, till the day you just can’t hide anymore.
Maybe it’s because of all the unresolved issues. When you start talking about it, it ends in a yelling match, so you shut down.
Maybe you were abused. You mask your hurt in anger. The smallest of things set you off. You hide from God and you hide from your spouse.
Maybe you struggle with pornography. You can’t look your spouse in the eye because every time you do, you feel guilty. So you haven’t been intimate because of your shame. You hide.
You find out your husband struggles with lust. You respond by changing your hair color, or getting a tattoo because of your insecurities. You hide your hurt behind a new look.
You feel you owe your spouse big time because of your guilt, your shame. So you’re overly submissive…yes dear, right away dear… But deep down you resent your spouse and you don’t have the courage to deal with the issue.
You hide by working late, even when it’s not necessary.
You hide behind a “I don’t care” attitude.
Hiding from God
We hide from our spouses and we also hide from God.
- We compromise on our prayer time and reading His Word.
- We come to church only when we need to serve.
- We act super spiritual to over-compensate, acting as if we have it all together.
- God pursues us and we find ourselves running…we ignore God.
Whatever happens in you, spiritually, affects your entire family, not only you.
It affects your marriage, your children, how you make decisions, everything.
We put ourselves and our marriages in danger.
If you haven’t realized it already, the coverings we make aren’t enough. They’re insufficient.
Questions to Think On
In what relationships are you hiding?
How are you hiding?
What is it that makes you feel guilty or ashamed?
What covering did you make to hid behind?
Being physically present but not fully transparent is a sign of hiding.
Next week Part 2: God Covers Us
The coverings God makes for us aren’t flimsy. It helps us to overcome the challenges of being transparent.